okaii.

so.
i am most definitely starting again sometime soon... with this whole, livejournal thing.
i'm just... bored. and feel like i need a new image.
not image exactly.
but..
okay. so i can't put across what i need right now. i'm not even sure if i need it.

but you know.... new school... new people... new... whatever.
i want to be new all over.



so this is probably going to be my last post, ever, using this account... all i need is a new lj username and i'm good to go...

(maybe i'll see you around? good luck with all your stuff. good luck with all your lives. just, good luck.)

my textbooks are on my desk and staring at me. 
and i am so freaked out, i honestly cannot believe that i'm in year 11 and it's come to having to spend $600+ on textbooks.

i can't stop looking at them!!!!

and i have no where else to put them where i won't feel like i've lost them!!!!



(plus, i am thinking of changing from visual arts to something else, just because i seriously hate that i have to have an A3 size folder.)



my room is gloriously clean right now.

 it's unacceptably hot for 10:58 at night.
i am bored.
i am hot.
i am uncomfortable.


(i am also watching brothers & sisters and absolutely loving it. my aunty lent it to me - and my mum - and i can't stop watching!)


i want coffee.


and i suddenly miss my politics and law class.


and i am deceptively wide awake - even though i can't stop yawning.


(scotty is just the cutest thing ever. i want one.)

happy new year kids.
hope it's a good one.
and i hope you spent midnight with friends and family -  unlike i did.
=)
i spent my night with bones and my phone and the internet and chuck.
<3



(so. i'm thinking of starting afresh with this whole livejournal thing. my friends list is clogged and i hate my username and i am NOT paying for a new one.)

Merry Christmas!
(I know, I'm a day - or two - late, but it's the thought that counts, right?)

So, for Christmas my parents bought me an Apple MacBook, but they didn't even think about organizing anything about the lack of wireless internet, and I can't connect the way I do with mum's laptop.... So.... I'm screwed and have no use for it other than watching movies and tv for hours and hours on end.
(Oh, and use Word and those other Microsoft-y programs that are in Office.)

I'm a spoilt little brat, yeah. But I was counting on this for a bit of independence, to get away from my family who are, honest to God, suffocating me with their reliance on me for EVERYTHING.
(Hell, I even tried to convince mum to let me get MY OWN connection paid for with my money, but she refused. So instead I'm going to have to pitch in some of the $120 internet bill we pay. Joy, I don't even know how much I'll be paying; half? A quarter? My first born child?)

I sound like an ungrateful brat, which I'm not - I am totally thankful for everything that my parents give me, I just wish they weren't so in my face and yelling all the time.

And on top of the whole thing, the bank I'm with have suddenly stopped giving me the Under 18 Benefit used to pay my Service Fee, and $4 has been coming out each month since October. The only way I can fix this is if I go into a branch and talk to someone, which I either have no time to do, or no one to take me.
And I know, it doesn't seem like a lot, but my parents are breathing down my neck for me to get a job, mum's started researching cars for me that I'm meant to pay half of, and these are $13, 000 cars! I can barely get to $70 in my account, let along almost $7000!

Oh God, I'm just freaking out about all these things because suddenly, my new school is a month away and my whole fucking future is only 2 years away. (I only have 2 years to make this right, I only have 2 years to make my life mean something, I only have two years to prove that I am going to be brilliant, to prove that I will travel the world and I will work for amazing people, and then have amazing people work for me.)

And I'm trying to be so grown up but I can't do it, and I don't understand how everyone I know have these plans and these ideas and then the means to achieve all these bright and beautiful things.

Okay, so I'm going to stop talking now and go fall in a hole with a few million books and my imagination and possibly never, ever crawl back out.
Cause that would be way easier than living out the rest of this month, and then the rest of my life.


Happy New Year - incase I get lost somewhere or let the world swallow me up or maybe if I just go to some party and get completely smashed and end up sleeping for a week.

i think i'm hungover.
i don't know how it happened...
(i did leave my drink unguarded, and there were many drunks around last night that kept trying to get whiskey into me.)

my head hurts.



(get out, get out, get out.)



my parents are letting me go to SOUNDWAVE '09
i am so fucking happy, it's insane.

if i could, i would.


but i can't, so all my life is make-believe.







starting now i'm trying to save $1500+ for a dslr camera.

i'm listening to the maine's new christmas ep.

<3

and the almost.

<3 <3


(don't you know that this year i want you alone?)
baby, i want you alone.

helloh.
i'm a new person.
(called brace face. lovingly, teasingly, by everyone i know -- probably.)

kidding.

but i think getting braces has made me a more violent person.
just because of the pain.
i have to direct it somehow.... somewhere.....

(so there it goes, through my fist or foot, into someone else's face, shin, arm or crotch.)

*breathes*

my screen is tiny.
i dunno why -- but i like it.
(today i do. tomorrow i won't.)


the rat-tat-tat of gun fire is not music you stupid bother brother dearest.
(if there is one person destined to be a serial killer/massacre-ist, it's my brother.)


on monday i get braces.
fo shiz.
i've got the hooky things on my back teeth now.
they hurt like a bitch.
and i'm gunna get so much shit on tuesday.


for the aussies without foxtel -- gossip girl starts on wednesday, on channel 9, at 10:30.
(will you be watching it? i know i will be!)
(after the advanced screening of twilight that is.)
(haha. look at me. all social and cool.)
(heh. i wish.)


i really wish my friends wouldn't try to out-smart me -- they fail, a lot.
i'm not better than them.
i'm just right.
(and completely full of myself.)




tell me something.

i have never ever come across as a slut or loose or whatever.
so then why does some ass-hole think i'll do god-knows-what on a webcam?!



ugh.



i'm watching angus, thongs and perfect snogging on youtube.... i seriously want to read the books and watch the movie for REAL.... but all i get is a crappy little screen, cause its not even out yet...



my exams start next week -- i'm freaking out so bad.
i'm terrified that i'm going to fail math.
(i already am.... but.... the exam could boost my grade!)
and i have tonnes of homework and studying to do, but i really, really can't be bothered.

you finally fall for the boy who falls back.
and the whole thing is a flop.


(story of my life.)


i just bought advance screening tickets to see Twilight with Aimee, on the 3rd of December.
heh. we're keeping it our little secret, cause we know TONNES of twilight fans, and they'd just.... ruin it....


i have too much phlegm. want some?



my youtube channel: underwaterscreaming
(shameless advertising. but right now there's only me poking a dead snail and possibly something else tonight... maybe...)

i hate it when batman notices stuff about me and my friends.
it annoys me that he watches me, but he won't talk to me.
(fucking asshole.)
(i'm kidding, i love him, really, kind of. when i'm not hating on him.)




i'm having a really bad day.



and i hatehatehate tennis. why do they make us play it??

all i want for christmas is you.


i'm not excited about christmas this year.... it kind of signifies the end of school for everyone -- with the giving of gifts and cards and stuff.
and while i really really am beginning to look forward to switching schools, it's sad to think that all these people that i've known for 3+ years won't be around next year.

(even if they do laugh at me and poke fun of me and generally make me the centre of all their stupid fucking jokes.)
(oh god. i am so glad i've got that out. it's still annoying me though.)



next time i'm shopping i need to buy:
new sunglasses. (kanye west ones. lol. or others.)
jonas brothers album (!guilty pleasure!)
new pencil case from smiggle (<-- you heard of that place? omg. it's genius. and <3)

i just need to scrape the bottom of my bank account.... heh.

desperately broke much??

PRESIDENT OBAMA.
whoooo!!!

i wore my badge today, in support. and he won!
(even though i'm not american, or even legally allowed to vote.)


i like iced tea.



school sucks.



that is all.

i need to urinate.

and i'm sad.



we're broke.
and dad sent me on a guilt trip this morning, so i've been spending the day trying not to cry.




ow.

i am not afraid to admit: i like the jonas brothers.



that's it really...


oh. and i bought the emarosa album today. <3
but it made my head feel frantic.
=S


oh, and we forgot that the red bull air race was on, so the train was full of weirdos.
(don't use public transport on red bull air race day.)


now i have to finish my english assignment so my teacher doesn't murder me.
fun.

i bend but i won't break.

i spend my day's wanting to tell people to get over themselves.
i don't know if i'm naturally mean, or just have no patience.

right now, i am extremely tired, but i have the strangest urge to drink something that tastes like floor cleaner and scream and go crazy.
(but that would be illegal.)
(how unfortunate.)


tomorrow, i definitely go to the city with aimee.
for cds.
and an empire toys sticker.
and a freaks and geeks sticker.
and a 78 records sticker.
(i love stickers. and badges.)

i need to get:
pierce the veil
emarosa
and
an old kings of leon album, for dad.

(i so don't have enough money.)



i wonder how aimee can be happy with being lonely.
i wish that i was closer to steph and her friends, or bec and her's, rather than having my own little thing with each of them.


i can't wait for next year.

so. it turns out that i wasn't really better. my sickness had juuust begun.

well. not really. but i definitely wasn't better. i just gotta lot more stomach pain and fever and sleeping and then antibiotics and a doctors note telling me to stay home for 2 or 3 more days.

NOW i'm better.

and i'm going to school tomorrow!

thank god.
i've had seven days of the couch. i'm sick of it, and the tv.




i'm gonna have a six pack from all this coughing.

today i finally got over a two day fever.

i woke up thursday morning, feeling as if my head was about to explode.
i have never been so sick in my life, i wanted to die.

but i'm all better now!!

i think i missed someone's birthday...
happy birthday.